Mental and Emotional Abuse in Marriage

Has your heart ever broken down a little when you hear abusive words from your spouse? Yes, it does! Verbal rudeness doesn’t hurt a person physically, but it will indeed cause mental distress. The term ‘marriage’ represents mutual action by which a marital union is formed between two people. But the word loses its significance when one mistreats the other. In reality, there is no perfect definition of emotional abuse. The ill-treatment is mainly based on power and control in relationships. Spousal abuse is not gender-specific. It refers to the exploitation by either the wife or husband.

Unseen Scars: The Varied Forms of Abuse

Words do not cause physical damage but will indeed cause long-term harm in marital relationships. It occurs in the form of three categories, namely, verbal aggression dominant or jealous behavior. In some cases, the dominance is physical, and in others, it can be purely psychological or physical. The abuser mainly exerts threats or taunts, which are combined with physical attacking as well. A mental abuser tries to humiliate their partner in public and ignores the other person’s feelings. They act great, quiet, and innocent in front of people. Most abusers decline to accept their fault. Mental abuse is also known as emotional or psychological abuse. Read the article to learn more about mental abuse and find tips to save your marriage.

Confronting the Reality of Abuse in Sacred Bonds

Marriage is a sacred, intimate relationship that relies on trust and respect between two individuals. However, abuse is no stranger to marriage, whether emotional, physical, or mental. Being in an abusive relationship can damage a person’s self-confidence, ability to trust, and self-respect. It can lead to withdrawal, depression, or suicidal thoughts and attempts. While physical abuse signs can be visible, emotional and mental abuse in a relationship are more insidious. Most people have no idea they are being abused; if they do, they are too weak and timid to leave the abuser.

What Is Emotional Abuse In A Marriage?

Emotional abuse can be devastating; unlike physical abuse, it is not easy to comprehend. It involves a series of manipulation and shaming tactics, demeaning the other person at every possible opportunity. A person who abuses emotionally strives for dominance and superiority and often undermines the other person’s self-worth. Verbal threats, bullying, intimidation, blaming and threats, constant criticism, etc., are all emotional abuse tactics in a relationship.

What Are The Signs Of Emotional Abuse In A Marriage?

Unlike physical abuse, where the wounds can be seen, the signs of emotional abuse are subtle. It often takes a long time to surface. However, the below signs can be considered alarming in a relationship:

1. Demeaning behaviour

Disregarding your opinions, being sarcastic, constantly trying to correct you, demeaning and devaluing your presence, etc. All constitute signs of emotional abuse. Subtle threats and negative remarks are often part of their conversations. This usually leaves the victim being labeled as “too sensitive.”

2. Dominating traits

When someone tries to control everything in a relationship, you can be sure you are dealing with an abuser. They might also try to control personal things like friends, you’re coming and going, email accounts, simple everyday choices, etc. They might even try to have their say on what you wear, how you talk, and finances.

3. Constant criticism

Belittling all your efforts, undermining all your achievements, and crushing all your dreams, hopes, and aspirations by constantly criticizing you is often used by emotional abusers. Your feelings are flushed down the toilet.

4. Blaming, shaming, and humiliation

Public humiliation, blame games, and shaming by constantly pointing out your flaws and mistakes. They also call you names, repeatedly cross boundaries, and disapprove of you. This approach can make you feel you are always wrong. This is what an emotional abuser desires in a victim.

5. Refusal to be pleased

No matter what you do and how hard you try, emotional abusers are never happy. These people do not show any empathy or consideration for your efforts and play the victim. They also become emotionally distant and even withdraw from sex.

The victims of abuse do not see this ‘mistreatment’ as ‘abuse’ and often live in denial. This is why the effects of emotional abuse can be severely damaging to a person as a whole.

What Are The Effects Of Emotional Abuse?

Emotional abuse can have devastating and damaging effects, broadly classified into short-term and long-term effects-

Short-term effects of emotional abuse

Emotional abuse can make a person question how he arrived at such a situation. They get surprised, confused, shocked, and feel anxious and afraid. The victim starts changing their behavior and thoughts towards the abuser. Some signs of short-term emotional abuse are:

• Surprise, confusion and shock
• Shame, guilt, anxiety and fear
• Aggression and compliance
• Frequent crying, remorse, and feeling undesirable
• Feeling manipulated, used, dominated, powerless and helpless
• Loss of confidence and feeling defeated.

Long-term effects of emotional abuse

Because victims find it hard to leave an abuser in an abusive relationship, they tend to do everything to bring the relationship to the point where it is non-abusive. But the abuser strategizes, so the victim begins to believe him and conclude they are not worthy of a normal, better relationship. Instead, the victim:

• Goes into depression and withdrawal mode
• Complains of superficial physical pains without any cause
• Suffers from low self-esteem and has disturbed sleep
• Often succumbs to substance abuse
• Feels trapped and alone, has extreme dependence on the abuser
• Has suicidal thoughts, tendencies, and attempts

People in emotionally abusive marriages tend to blame themselves and defend the abuser. However, people in an abusive marriage often live a life of loneliness, feeling low and slowly detaching from everything they do.

What Is Mental Abuse In A Marriage?

Like emotional abuse, mental abuse also goes hidden and unreported because there are no visible wounds like physical abuse. A marriage where a partner abuses the other mentally mainly wants to take over dominance – financial, physical, social, and psychological. The abuser essentially possesses an aggressive personality and sees abuse to resolve conflicts by exerting supremacy.

What Are The Signs Of Mental Abuse In A Marriage?

Psychological abuse is not easily differentiable because the abuser does not hit physically but mentally break down the other person. These signs are pretty similar to symptoms of emotional abuse because both abuse cases aim to make a person feel mentally unstable. Symptoms of mental abuse in a marriage can be summed up in under, though they are not limited to the ones listed:

1. Dominance and control

From more minor things like what you wear and who your friends are, a mental abuser slowly controls all aspects of the victim’s life. So much so that the victims become utterly indecisive in their thoughts and actions. Victims of mental abuse are so unsure that they cannot even make simple everyday choices like what to eat without the approval of the abuser.

2. Attacking self-respect

Repeated attempts to lower the victim’s self-esteem are made to kill the victim’s self-confidence, sense of worth, and self-respect. The victim thinks low for himself and feels he is not worthy of a better relationship.

3. False accusations, threats

Abusers blame the victims for any shortcomings and hold them responsible for any crisis that may arise – sometimes even fabricate problems to frame you, then threaten you with ‘justified’ punishment.

4. Malicious humor and public shaming

Abusers are never pleased and refuse others to praise the victim either. They constantly target malicious humor on the victim and snub it off. They do not hesitate to glorify the victim’s flaws and mistakes and often make it a point to shame the victim publicly.

5. Refuse ever to be wrong

An abuser never acknowledges his mistakes and flaws. When confronted, he will apologize and resume the behavior shortly. Abusive patterns soon raise their ugly head, and the cycle continues.

What Are The Effects Of Mental Abuse In A Marriage?

Mental abuse damages a person’s sense of self-worth and attacks the very foundation of a person. The victim starts to look at the abuser’s acceptance as the measure of their self-worth. Slowly, the abuser takes control of the victim entirely, weakening every sense of ‘self .’ Victims resort to lying, even to themselves, to believe that they are probably at fault for causing so much anguish to the abuser. Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD), depression, lower confidence, indecisiveness, etc., are some of the many demoralizing effects of mental abuse in a relationship.

How Do You Know You Are In An Abusive Relationship?

Psychological abuse, also known as mental or emotional abuse, renders a relationship ”one-sided. You will feel off-balance in the relationship, and the partner will often exert control and dominance in all your spheres. If you think you are being manipulated, constantly blamed and shamed, and believe everything wrong with the relationship is your fault, it is time to take a severe evaluation of the relationship.

Consequences of Mental Abuse

Several unfortunate families get victimized by mental abuse. Mental abuse leads to acute psychological disorders. In such cases, generally, the victim suffers from hesitancy and starts losing self-respect. The person also fails to decide their thoughts and becomes confused or depressed most of the time.

With the rise of such acute problems in families, children also fall prey to aggressive situations. This affects their behavior at a very young age. They lack interest and concentration in their studies. Ultimately, there is no family bondage existing. It is certain that the more you get targeted for ill-treatment, the faster you ruin your health and happiness.

How to Deal With Mental Abuse?

• Generally, infidelity is considered the chief cause of mental abuse in marriages. But if you examine deeply, several other factors lead to the end of a marriage. Before coming to any harsh conclusions, spotting the sphere causing problems in your marital life is always better. Make a fix and give way to a long-lasting relationship
• If your spouse is hurting or taunting you constantly, sit with them immediately. Communicate your feelings with your partner that you are uncomfortable with such ill-treatment. If you don’t convey your feelings, the situation might worsen
• Remember, ‘No two people are alike. To have a blissful marriage, one has to understand and respect one’s feelings first. The partner should strive to recognize the other person’s character on a deeper level
• If you sense difficulty in handling your spouse, then make sure you seek a professional counselor as early as possible. Do not let the circumstance take a bad turn

Mental and Emotional Abuse in Marriage FAQ

What does emotional abuse do to a woman?

Emotional abuse is mistreatment that involves the repeated and intentional infliction of emotional pain on another person. This can include verbal abuse, such as calling someone names, making threats, insulting them, or physical abuse, such as slapping, punching, shoving, or pulling hair.

Emotional abuse can be devastating for both the abuser and the victim. The abuser may feel powerful and in control when abusing someone emotionally. On the other hand, the victim may feel like they have no control over their life and may become depressed, anxious, and suicidal.

The effects of severe emotional abuse can be damaging for a woman. It can cause her to feel helpless, isolated, and scared. It often leads to depression and anxiety. In some cases or extreme cases, it can even lead to suicide.

If you are experiencing emotional abuse in your relationship, please seek help from a professional. There are many resources available to you, including hotlines like the National Domestic Violence Hotline in the USA (800-799-7233 – Website) or the National Sexual Assault Hotline (1-800-656-4673 – Available 24 hours).

What is the difference between mental and emotional abuse?

Mental abuse is when someone speaks or behaves in a way that makes you feel afraid, threatened, or unsupported. This can be done through words, gestures, or actions. This can be done through comments, emails, or phone calls.

Emotional abuse is when someone uses words and gestures to control your emotions and make you feel like you are not in control of your life. This type of abuse can be repeated over time and cause significant emotional damage. It can be done through insults, put-downs, and making you feel like you are not good enough.

How does emotional abuse affect a marriage?

In a marriage, one cannot abuse one’s better half. The abuse should be neither emotional, sexual, or physical. The signs of emotional abuse, either in marriage or outside, are the same. The person might feel worthless and not feel like an end as they feel this is what they deserve. Some of the effects include but are not limited to –

• Fear
• Shame
• Hopelessness
• Not able to concentrate
• Moodiness
• Aches and pains
• Muscle tension issue

The other severe effects include –

• Anxiety
• Insomnia
• Lonliness
• Guilt
• Difficulty in managing emotional responses
• Becomes hard trusting others
• Difficulties in building relationships
• Feeling Worthless and Insignificant

Conclusion

Mental and emotional abuse in marriage, often invisible, can deeply erode the foundations of trust and respect that are vital for any healthy relationship. The article emphasizes the importance of recognizing and addressing these forms of abuse, highlighting the detrimental effects on individuals’ mental health and well-being. It underscores the need for open communication, professional support, and, in some cases, decisive action to safeguard one’s mental and emotional health. For those navigating these challenges, understanding the signs and seeking help is crucial for healing and moving forward.

I am sure this article making marriage happy might be an add-on after going through this article.