Living together before marriage has become popular recently, though it is still largely frowned upon. The trend has been in the limelight lately, thanks to Bollywood couples, though in Western countries, cohabitation is common. But if you ask people around, cohabitation or living together before marriage is still a taboo, and people have strong beliefs on the subject. Let’s see what good and bad living together without having to say ‘to do’ really means.
What Does It Mean To Live Together?
Living together means essentially the same thing as implied – a couple living together without the tag of marriage. Many young adults in today’s fast-paced world prefer to share a home and expenses and have a sexual relationship with each other, just like in a marriage, but without the legal and religious ceremonies that a marriage encompasses. Couples in a live-in relationship or cohabitation agreement live just like a husband and a wife for various reasons, from testing their compatibility to taking stock of their financial stability.
What Are The Benefits Of Living Together Before Marriage?
Though the idea is subjective, living together before marriage does offer a couple a chance to ‘test run’ their commitment levels before they tie the knot. Living together before marriage has many advantages if done for the right reasons. Let’s take you through:
1. Financially viable
A dating couple already spending a lot of time together can move in and save loads of money. You could save rent on two apartments and share other expenses. Plus, whenever you seek each other’s company, you need not pay huge bills at cafes and bars! And the money could be saved for future use – like a dream honeymoon or a car.
2. Know each other
What do you do when you go on a date? Put your best foot forward, right? But when living together, you get to know the other person much more closely – involving all the good and the bad. Living together before marriage gives a couple a chance to understand how well they can bear the bad and how much they like the good in each other.
3. Sharing responsibilities
Dating is a fun thing, but marriage brings with it a plethora of responsibilities. We were living together before a union prepared you for it. Not only do chores get shared, but a couple also learns to work together as a team despite hectic schedules and enjoy the fun part of ‘dating’!
4. Test your relationship
Living together before marriage allows couples to test their relationship and commitment levels. Many couples call it quits because they cannot handle the stress that sharing a home brings – and love is the first thing to fly out of the window in times of distress.
5. It’s exciting
Sharing a home with someone you wish to spend the rest of your life with can be exciting and bring a lot of happiness to a couple. Watch late-night movies, cook each other meals, have friends over, share a cozy, lazy holiday, and loads of other things when you are comfortable with each other. And all that before you are married!
6. Keeps you free while being committed
Sounds great. When you live together before exchanging the rings, you can live as you wish without bothering about families and other social obligations. You are committed yet as free-willed as when you are single.
If you are sure about your relationship, moving in together can help you prepare for the surprises marriage brings – just that they aren’t surprises anymore. You can focus on other things than wondering how you will share a room and a home with someone. It means one less thing to stress about, and one can concentrate more on the wedding – which is stressful enough.
What Are The Disadvantages Of Living Together Before Marriage?
Some studies have shown that divorces in couples with live-in relationships are higher, so living together before marriage should be avoided. As a coin always has two sides, let’s look at the cons of live-in relationships:
1. Religious reservations
In India and many Eastern countries, marriage is a sacred union upheld in all contexts. Even the Bible holds that one’s body should only be given to the spouse in a permanent marriage and discourages pre-marital sex. Religious solid opinions and beliefs bar the concept of living together before marriage in its totality.
2. High rates of divorce
Studies have it that people who get married after living together ultimately call it quits after getting married. A whopping 33 percent higher divorce rate was found in couples who lived together before marriage. This negates the argument that living together before marriage lets couples know each other well. (Source).
3. Legal shortcomings
Though legalized in the country, there is a lot of fight and judicial drama surrounding the rights of live-in partners, especially women. Many allegations of rape, financial fraud, domestic violence, etc., have been reported in live-in relationships. The concept triggers social, economic, and religious imbalances in a society.
4. Misuse of the concept
A man may be in a live-in relationship to enjoy ‘free sex,’ or a woman may want to enjoy the ‘financial benefits.’ Many young people misuse the concept of living together before marriage by indulging in fraud, forgery, and sexual abuse, questioning the viability of such a relationship.
5. Financial and emotional insecurities
A marriage is a long-term commitment, and no one runs after a bad night. However, when living together before marriage, running away or abandoning a relationship is easy, with no one to question. Many people go through emotional upheavals after a series of failed live-in relationships.
6. Makes the marriage boring
A marriage brings about excitement and thrill. However, when you have been living with someone for a long time, marriage adds another dimension to the relationship without bringing anything new. One misses the zing and the punch that newly married couples thrive on.
Is Live-In Relationship Legal In India?
The honorable Supreme Court of India passed a historic verdict stating that couples living in relationships will be presumed legally married. This has decreased the social stigma attached to couples who move in together without getting married. “The Domestic Violence Act 2005” in India long included live-in relationships within its purview. As per this, women living with a man, “a relationship like marriage,” could approach the court if abused by a man. Economic abuse is also covered in this, where women get protection from financial abuse, too. Supreme Court of India has stated that if a woman and a man “lived like husband and wife” for a considerable long period and had children, the judiciary presumes that the couple were married. (Source)
However, if a couple is not legally married, it could be tough to claim any benefits from insurance, joint accounts, visas’svisa, etc.. A live-in relationship is also not recognized under the Hindu Marriage Act 1955. Children born to parents who are not married but live together are not illegitimate and can claim rights to parental property, though they may not inherit the ancestral property. However, the rights and protection can be a long fight.
So Is It A Good Idea To Live Together Before Marriage?
The answer is rooted in each of us. Whether it is a good idea or an absolute folly to live together without getting married depends on our beliefs, ideals, lifestyle choices, and commitment levels. Trying the waters before jumping in is a good idea for many people, while for some, it devours the whole sanctity of a wedlock. If you are sure of each other, living together could be a boon, and God forbid, if living together doesn’t work out, you can walk out without suffering the trauma of divorce. A little bit for everyone. And do not drive yourself crazy thinking living together before marriage would make you file for divorce. Every wedding every relationship has a 50% chance of being successful or being a failure. And relationships are forever changing, with no one size fits all.
Living together before marriage should not be an excuse to use a body for sexual pleasure and move on to the next person. It should not be done to purposely exploit one person sexually or financially yet remain free to reject that person out of convenience. However, if both partners are committed and agree to make a relationship work, all odds cease.
