Why married men cheat? Is it dissatisfaction in the current marriage or simply the boredom crisis? Are they unhappy with their spouses or driven by their hormones?
Marriages often break down because husbands are not loyal to their wives. These days, wives are not accepting their husbands showing interest and building relationships with other women. They expect total commitment from their partners. Most of the time, the wives are busy with household chores and children and have little time for their husbands. Yet, whatever time they get, they want to spend it with their husbands.
Why do husbands cheat? After all, don’t they have any commitment to their family? Here are some reasons why men seek the company of another woman, despite taking care of their wives.
Top 10 Reasons Why Married Men Cheat
1. Infidelity begins at Home
While the act of infidelity may not start right at the doorstep, it does root from there. Constant fights, unresolved issues, disturbed environment: all these factors may lead married men to stray. They start seeking solace out of their homes and comfort outside their marriages. An affair becomes a distraction and instead of dealing with the issues back home, they push the problems under the carpet.
2. Affairs are Good for the Ego
Deep down, men are as insecure about themselves as women. Most times, married men are attracted to people who praise them, compliment them, and look up to them. This is great for their male egos. The partners other than the spouses pamper married men, making them feel special and valued. Extramarital affairs are also a way to reassure men that they are still desirable.
3. Men are Emotional Too
Men tend to feel emotionally left out when women are busy with bringing up the children, completing their household chores, and meeting deadlines. Men may not show their emotions openly, but they are emotional beings. When their emotional needs are not addressed, they turn their attention to the people who understand them and fulfill their emotional void.
4. When the Boredom Sets In
Married life can become dull. The thrill, excitement, enthusiasm, and feelings men experience at the beginning of a marriage are lost after a few years. That’s when married men seek the same spark outside marriage instead of recharging their marriage. For the moment of gratification that an extra-marital affair brings to them, they are willing to put their relationship at risk.
5. Let’s Talk about Sex
Physical intimacy plays a vital role in marriage. That’s why things start falling apart when one or both partners are not physically satisfied in the marriage. Many married men search for sexual excitement in extra-marital relationships. A lack of fun between the sheets may drive men to venture into the land of infidelity.
6. An Eye for an Eye
In many cases, an extra-marital relationship can be an act of revenge. Chances are married men with infidel spouses start a fling as revenge to get back at their better halves. They might feel if their wives can do it, so can they. These men certainly don’t believe in forgiving and forgetting.
7. Beware of Anger
Anger and bitterness can ruin a relationship. Men consumed by rage are likely to cheat. Their spouses’ actions can ignite frustration that can result in extra-marital relationships. In such a scenario, trivial things can take the form of big issues. Resentment and hatred instigate men to cheat on their wives as a form of punishment.
8. Living in Loneliness
The feeling of being lonely in a marriage can lead men to stray. When husbands feel alienated from their wives, it creates drifts in marriages and an ideal situation for extra-marital affairs. The urge to fill the emptiness and vacuum becomes so strong that men seek “other” partners to break the loneliness.
9. Polygamy is not for Them
For some men, being committed to a single relationship is not their cup of tea. The basal animal instincts overpower the civilized senses, and men leave their marriages and become polygamous. One of the reasons why married men cheat is that they have no control over their impulses.
10. The Modern Lifestyle is a Bane for Marriages
An increasing number of men are spending more time at workplaces than at home. They work near women who understand their work-related issues. This allows them to get close to someone who shares their goals and passions. It doesn’t come as a surprise that most extramarital affairs start in offices.
Some Startling Facts about Married Men Who Cheat
M. Gary Neuman, a marriage counselor, conducted a survey. The findings were indeed an eye-opener.
- For 48% of men, emotional dissatisfaction was the primary reason for cheating on their spouses
- 40% of men who cheated met their partners at work
- 12% of men found their mistresses more attractive than their wives
- 77% of men who cheated have a friend who has also cheated
While we have stated why married men cheat, there are others too. Regardless of the reasons, nothing justifies the act of infidelity. It only brings disappointment to all the people involved.
Content Submitted by Keith – Another point of view
- Boredom – Men tend to get bored of their married life. Life, at times, becomes monotonous. The wife may be too involved with household chores and children and may not have the time for him. He is in search of excitement and finds it in another woman. If both spouses understand each other completely and shift their attention from personal desires to the desires of their spouses, this problem can be controlled to a great extent.
- A roving eye – Men are supposed to have a roving eye. They like looking at and admiring other women. They like to taste something “new” and “different.”
- A nagging wife – Many husbands get fed up with a nagging wife at home and prefer the loving and caring company of another woman.
- A neglected wife – Many women do not take care of themselves. They go out of shape. They lose out on their figure. They do not take care of their appearance or dress up properly at home. Naturally, a man gets fed up with his wife and prefers a better-looking woman.
- Sexual incompatibility is also a reason why men go in for another woman. A few years later, the husband may feel his emotional and physical needs are not being met and tend to seek the company of another woman. The husband often finds an outlet for his physical and emotional needs by having an affair with another woman.
- To try out something new is often a reason given by the husband for indulging in an extra-marital affair. He often feels he needs a change of scene and would like to spend time with someone who is “different” and perhaps “more exciting”.
- Easy access to female companionship is another factor that provides an opportunity for a husband to have an extra-marital affair. Often on business trips, he tends to take advantage of being with another female colleague and enters into a relationship with her.
- Male ego is also another factor for men to cheat on their wives. Husbands often feel superior about being a man and like to focus on their “macho” qualities of being able to attract another woman. Sometimes when males feel that their dominant position in the family is challenged, they tend to go for someone else. Men always what to be dominant players in married life. Once women start earning more than their husbands, this situation gets aggravated.
- Peer pressure also encourages a man to cheat upon his wife. Some friends may cajole him into trying out something “new”. They often introduce him to other females with whom he can spend more time.
- A wife paying too much attention to children and household chores often forces a man to go in for relationships outside of marriage. He feels neglected. He wants more attention, and since he is not getting it at home, he prefers to get it from an outsider.
Men do cheat on their wives. This is a harsh reality some wives have to face up to. At times, the wife could be responsible for the situation. Sometimes, the man himself is found guilty of such an act. Several marriages fall apart on account of the extra-marital affairs of the husband.
Why Married Men Cheat FAQs
What should I do if I suspect my husband is cheating on me?
The first step is to have open & honest communication with your husband. If he’s been unfaithful, explain the issues directly without beating in the bush. Try keeping the conversation calm and respectful, and pay attention to what he says. If you are unsatisfied with his answer, consider seeking a professional counselor’s advice. He will help you work through your feelings and advise the best action.
Should I confront the other woman?
Confronting the other woman is not the best idea. The other woman might not be the root of the problem. The primary issue might be between you and your husband. Confronting her can escalate the situation, making it difficult to resolve.
Should I forgive my husband if he cheats on me?
Now, this is going to be a personal decision. The circumstances, situation, feelings towards your husband, and how you can move forward and build trust again are some reasons you can consider. Forgiveness is a powerful tool that heals even big wounds and helps move forward.
Can a marriage survive infidelity?
Yes, marriages do survive infidelity. However, it takes hard work and commitment from both partners. Building trust, once broken, might be a long and challenging process. On the other hand, the whole process might get easy with the help of professional counseling and therapy.
Should I stay in the marriage if my husband continues to cheat?
Continuing to stay in a marriage where infidelity will be difficult and sometimes can bring extreme pain. You are the right person to decide to depend on your emotional and physical wellbeing. Take the guidance of a therapist or counselor who will help you make this decision. Financial stability and kids are the two reasons that might stop someone from going out of marriage, even in painful scenarios.
46 Comments
Men have hunger for women body and sometimes it gets out of control. This is the primary reason a man cheats on his wife. He is not satisfied with one and wants to have multiple of them. I think this might seem rude but this is truth and I have experienced it.
I beg to differ with Melati. In more then 80% of the cases men leave their wives not because of hunger for something but more for true love. The understanding part in the love is more important then the s** part. I am sure women folks would not agree with me but this is the truth and I have read the statistics somewhere.
I agree with you, Melati.
No matter what, a man will cheat on his wife. It doesn’t matter how perfect you are, or how well you take care of yourself or your spouse. The fact is people cheat for a variety of reasons.
You could be as beautiful as Angelina Jolie, and your guy will still have the desire to have s** with more than one woman.
If a person constantly thinks about sleeping with other women, then there is always the chance he will stray. He is always looking and thinking about women, so there is already temptation for him everywhere he goes – that and a man’s constant struggle with his desire. He must decide to go for or against his desire to sleep with other women.
Now I think most men decide to struggle against their desires in an effort to be better men, and because many have grown up in homes with divorced parents. Still, many give into their desire at some point. I don’t believe that a woman getting out of shape is an excuse, for even the most beautiful women have cheating husbands.
I am married since last 18 years and if I am saying this there must be something that I have experienced. We used to have lots of fights and some used to last for even a month. But, we are together as we value the best days we stayed together then one bad instance.
The most important reason why a married man cheats is because he thinks that all the other women who is not his wife is better then his wife. When you go to a restaurant and order food, you would always regret after seeing somebody eating different food next to your table. This is human mentality. We like something more if it is not ours. Well, this might seem funny but this is true and men are no different. This is the reason why married men cheat.
I’m sorry but that’s not always the reason why married men cheat. Sometimes a man will cheat cause the woman is neglecting her husband or the step children that’s raised in the house are not respectable. Women also cheat cause they never loved the man they are married too or they are just a woman without morals.
I have not cheated on my wife but I am constantly frustrated with the lack of attention shown towards me, both in caring and sexual ways, and yet I am expected to do what she wants, I have a high sex drive and it has not Been truly satisfied in the 8 years we have been together, yet I still have not cheated on her.
As for you woman when will you realise it works both ways, you have to keep your man happy !! TO KEEP YOUR MAN !!!!!
I’ve talked to a few of my girlfriends, and the main things that keep them from having more se* with their husbands is their behavior.
Constantly checking out other women, getting aroused during movies, waiting for the woman to go to bed or leave the house so they can look at porno*raphy and mastur**te.
I don’t know about your scenario, but, amongst my friends, this is the number one complaint.
Since women are emotional creatures, they need to know they are admired and their men are attracted to them. If a woman needs to have that emotion filled, and you’re next to her oggling a teenager, then you are not fulfilling her needs. Rather, you are fulfilling yours while making her feel like a last resort. Women don’t want to be a last resort, but a first choice.
You are absolutely correct. I am married to a man who goes on temper tantrums at the drop of a hat / oogles at other women all the time (young & older) / constantly builds up other women / always looking for compliments / shows me no regard/questions everything that I say / grabs at my body like it’s a piece of fruit and expects me to comply/goes on porn sites. He disgusts me!!! I have told him about his actions and it means nothing to him. He just continues to do the same things and has for years. I’m still with him because I’m afraid to live alone. He also has very bad hygiene and sometimes smells like he s*** himself. He was a stud when we met. Now he looks like an old used car. I refuse to have s** with someone who mentally abuses me. I feel NO intimacy for him. I get headaches just thinking about him.
um…if your sex drive has not been satisfied in 8 years of marriage…seems like a good time to communicate this to your wife???
I was married man for 8 years with ex wife, I had affair win other woman. I regret it, but on part I do blame on my ex wife because after we got married and she changed dramatically, she neglect to give me attention, focus on her school, never cook dinner ( I always make dinner), I have been suffering with not getting attention from her. However, when we finally divorced, she finally admitted to me that she was not giving me enough attention and not show any affections, her last word that she wished we never got divorced. We ending up being good friends now.
My wife and I use to do a lot of things together every weekend until we got married and all of a sudden. She wanted to hang out in the hair salon with her friends. We use to have s*x every day and now I’m lucky if I get it twice a month. Can u give me some advice.
My advice: Remarry…try to make it work (assuming neither of you have already)
I am seeing a married man, he says his wife does nothing but sleep and does not like to clean around the house but only sleep. He has 2 kids of his own and she does not have any from him or any other man. he takes care of his kids but yet when he has time to have se* with her, they both go at it..why is he still coming to me?
Maybe there is something u do better than his wife,I am also dating a married guy,h seems happy with his wife,the reason I am saying his happy is because,each and everything that need password,its his wife name from laptop, cellphone, even his work gate code. But his cheating on her.i never asked him why his cheating on his wife.i wish i can ask him why his dating me if his happy, but I am scared.
Because you are easily available I guess…question really is why are you ‘the other woman’…and okay with that status?
i think that there are many other reasons for Why Married Men Cheat?. i have a personal experiance with one of my friends who don’t have any of these reasons & he is cheating his wife like hell. And by asking him about if he has any good reason , he answered that he is in his happiest moment if he put infront of him a challenege to get the attension of a girl & win her heart , thats it his own goal. but i realy wonder that he is very much convinced with his own wife & didn’t find in himself any intension to realy cheat her , as he never continue any realtionship till the end. So i think feeling that he is still attractive to girls is the reason.
Don’t kid yourselves ladies, it’s not about EGO,, it’s about happiness. I have been married for 6 years now and do all the right things. I massage all the time, cook, clean, work (and I make good money), take her on a trip every year, bought her a new truck and a new house, i am a damn good dad, I have never cheated (not even a kiss), and I love my wife.
Men only cheat because of 3 reasons.
1. Men get stuck in a boring, dead or abusive relationship due to the unfairness of divorce.
2. You won’t do what we want in the bedroom.
3. You change, it’s all fun, getting along and se* in the beginning, but now,,, you have us and think you don’t have to worry about keeping us.
Think again, anyone can be replaced in 1 hour. Men don’t want to cheat, it’s too much effort and makes us feel like crap so stop making us.
I am so glad that someone finally had courage to speak up for men! I am a married man who’s being married for 8 years. I confessed I am far from perfect and not the most romantic man; but I do try and try hard. My wife refused to make love to me because her excuses are (1) don’t feel it, (2) too tired, (3) you are not romantic enough, (4) I just don’t have that feeling for you anymore. We have two beautiful kids who think the world of me and they are the only reasons that I stay in this marriage. They are very happy and I want to make sure they stay that way despite I tried hard to hid my sadness and hopelessness in my relationship with my wife. Almost every day of our married life, she belittles me. She hates my parents even though most of their friends will say they are wonderful people. She looked down on my sisters. I always go extra mile to provide and to protect my family. To marry this woman is my biggest regret and mistake in life. I made 6 figures salary and hold my job well despite the recessions; she complains that I am not giving her enough financial security. I never complain about chores around the house and I stay home taking care kids when they are sick. Again, I am not perfect; but I do need my wife’s love desperately. We haven’t have sex in the last few years and probably can count all the time we had sex with both hands in 8 years of our marriage. I used to be very harsh on my fellow men who cheat on their wives but I can longer be so hard on them because I now understand their wives can either make them or break them. Listen up wives, you are responsible too!! Andy
Sometime you need to let the bird fly if it comes back it was yours if it doesnt come back it was nevet yours…
18 years ago I quit seeing a married man. After 18 years he called me and we are seeing each other again and he is married to someone else now, 2nd wife. I asked why he is doing this again, he said that the sex we had then and have now is the best he has ever had. We do rock each others worlds. Just curious what other men have to say.
The only thing I can say is how would you feel if you was his wife and the wife was you and then how would you explain to the wife about why you sleeping with her husband.
If he didn’t marry you when he had the first wife, and he still didn’t marry you the second time around, what makes you think he is going to ever marry you, he is just using you!
You sound stupid.
Well Peter,
I often feel this way too and even go on to say that women are too demanding, self-entitled and are on a mad race to keep up with the Joneses and men and women both are working too many hours and blowing too much money on crud they do not need.
I think the reason why men stray is because married men and women ALLOW THEMSELVES to get “un-hot” for eachother. People think that when you marry, that “hotness” you had when you met is going to last forever. Puhleeease people it does not even last a year. I think to stay hot for eachother BOTH parties have to constantly work at looking good, smelling good, balancing work and life and kids, nurturing their partner emotionally, being playful, being flirtatious, being spontaneous and doing some wild and crazy things from time to time. Yeah that might work!
And NOBODY I KNOW does this and most married couples seem so “HO HUM DIDDLE-e-DUM!”
I’m not tripping on you man, I feel ya but I really think me and my wife are BOTH to blame. We BOTH don’t initiate ANY form of intimacy but she something seems to think (as the man) it’s MY responsibility to get erect, grunt and drag her up to the bedroom and get her all turned on and keep my flag up the flag pole and perform until we’re both satisfied and exhausted. Uh, yeah. Right. She’s in her comfies and I’m as self-conscious about my aging middle-aged looking body and growing midsection as she is. And she has had three kids and has an EXCUSE for a few stretch marks!
Men and women gotta stop this blame game if there is going to be any resolution to this problem that is sweeping the internet.
Yeah, my wife’s hotter friends and “anonymous” hotties on the street make my head turn. Because my primal urges are not being satisfied. This is partly my fault, and partly my wife’s fault. My primal self (aka small brain located at end of shaft) would sleep with anyone any time because my small brain has no conscience. My “bigger brain” and my heart tells me that I love my wife, I need her and I want her to be happy and that when it comes right down to it, I don’t WANT to have sex with anyone else. But I want to. But I don’t. And it’s confusing as my two “brains” are constantly arguing. My small brain makes me look – and my big brain makes me look away. My big brain plays out the movie – I have an affair and MAYBE I don’t bring home an STD or get someone pregnant, but I hurt my wife, ruin my marriage, get divorced, give all my money to my ex to support the kids, get a basement appartment, and try to date other divorced people with SO much to offer – my middle-aged body, my fading looks, my mediocre career, and my now empty bank account. WOO-EEE I bet the babes will be lining up for THAT 40-something LOSER. The girls that were flirty when they saw my wedding ring won’t come within 100 yards of me at THAT point, will they?
Dude, I’m miserable. And I don’t know how to fix this. And I don’t want a divorce and can’t afford one anyways. Will me and my wife end up staying together until the kids are “old enough” to handle a divorce?
But this much I know: It’s not all her fault, and I’m willing to take about 70% of the blame – because I am the one who has eyes for all these other people but she’s so faithful to me it breaks my heart. I really don’t deserve her! But I can’t seem to be happy with her, but I’d be miserable without her.
Is this the ultimate “grass is greener” paradox or what? Do some men (like me) just want the excitement of “sexual possibilities” while getting the benefits of marriage? Being singled SUCKED dude – competing with every Tom Dick and Harry for a date and watching potential girlfriends drive off in fancy cars with cuter guys in better shape with better jobs. This SUCKED! And constantly getting new partners to keep the excitement alive? That sucked too (eventually) and every time you meet someone new you spin the “WHEEL OF STDs”, one of which can now kill you dead. And wow ain’t that a way to stay excited! 10 microns of rubber between you and a potential death sentence! wooo hOOO!
So being single sucks. Being married sucks. Being gay is not an option yet (for me anyways).
So what the H3LL do we do?
Sorry gang. Rant over. If you’ve read this far, thanks for your patience. If you have any words of encouragement (or just want to give me he11) then go for it. I’ll listen to anyone’s opinion at this point. All my best thinking has gotten me here: nowhere. Even women who want to rant and rave and yell at me. Go ahead. I’m numb and it won’t bother me anyways.
Cheers,
NorthernDude
NorthernDude, I am a single female, and I agree with you totally!! Not that I have any experience in marriage, but I do have freinds and relatives who express generally the same thoughts as you. I think you’re great for sticking it out, because essentially that’s what it all about! I think yiu should talk to your wife, of course you may not want to give her every detail, but let her know what’s on your mind and if she’s as good as you say, then she should respond by grabbing your hand and running to wits end to REINVENT your marriage!! You already have so much invested and you’ve stated the obvious pit falls of divorce, so you know you’ve got everything to lose lol!!! I really enjoye your post and think you’re a step ahead of the lost ones, the ones who are still playing the blame game!! Good-Luck!!
wow- very insightful and realistic reply from the male perspective. answered a few questions I had regarding my now married ex who is stalking me. he hasn’t been married a year, claimed this woman was the one of his dreams and everything he ever wanted, yet has gone through some seriously psychotic lengths to constantly contact me…even pretending to be other ppl
Dude,
Your honesty is over the top awesome! I am no expert. I have issues in my marriage similar to yours. I can only tell you the female side of it. Women often feel unattractive to their husbands. Thus, the lack of sex. One day I made a huge effort to look as sexy as I could and my husband did not even notice. I felt invisiable. I have often prepared dinners only to be trumped by dinner meetings in expensive restuarants I never get to go to. The money spend on clothing often goes to my husband to keep up the professional look OR goes to my constantly growing kids. So I end up with frumpy jeans and T-shirt from Goodwill. I wish my husband would say. Hey you matter to me. You are important to me. I just saying…..Words are very powerful tools that might get you laid!!!
It is interesting to read all these comments and espescially the male point of view. I understand both husband and wife needs to make an effort, but if the wife is doing everything to keep the man happy, trying to please him and wanting to have s** more often than he does, if she keeps herself looking, considering she has work, children and household chores to contend with, and the man is lazy in the relationship and does not appreciate the wife, then what more can the wife do?
Marriage is a commitment and I have given a lot to my husband, we have had a rocky relationship, we were young when we got together and once we had children it got harder. I never stopped giving him attention-maybe too much-and I while I did go through the stage of feeling unsexy-I changed and wanted to do it all the time. Then he changed and didn’t want to do it with me.
We broke up a couple of times(always because unbeknown to be he wanted to sleep with other women) and got back together without me finding out until years later, and then last year he went away for work when our lives started to get a bit better (or so I thought) only for him to have 3 one night stands. He only told me to ease his conscience and can’t explain why when he drinks it just happens. We have 3 beautiful children together and he may end up really well known with his work and I am not sure whether to walk away after spending nearly half my life with this person or try to work it out.
I am not an unattractive women, I don’t lie or cheat on my husband. To me he is the most handsome man on the planet and I tell him all the time-but that does not seem to be enough for him. He says he has changed, it wont happen again, and it was because we were living apart. I don’t want to uproot my children again, but I am not sure how to forgive and forget what he has done.
I want to humiliate the stupid women for sleeping with a married man, but I feel like the stupid fool for forgiving him over and over again. I just don’t know what to do!
You are probably being the most honest here and so may be open to this as you are still being self centered. I have a question. If your wife was in an accident and became a quadriplegic, would you leave her? You are still blaming that it is both of you. If you brought all your love and support into the relationship, what do you think would happen? If you were not focused on primal urges and on your heart as your heart has the ability to be stronger than the two brains you are talking about. This is the energy that you are giving out that you have these primal urges and that you would rather be married than single but both suck. That is what you are putting into your relationship…not selfless love. Shift that and you will have a the most amazing relationship with the deepest intimacy that will more than satisfy a primal urge. Only to do the work to heal what makes you think that marriage sucks…”she is so faithful to me it breaks my heart.” She is showing faithfulness and the ability to have a deeper love…it is you that needs to go deeper to heal what holds you back.
Yes, any of that might be the cause.
I’ve just come out of a very destructive relationship with a married man. According to him she was making him miserable, she was an alcoholic and from what i can see she did control him (as i knew them both before hand) .. He left his wife, moved in with me, kept her on the side .. for what reason i dont know, probably to assure he could keep seeing his daughter (she didnt know about me) .. He came home one day with her wedding dress and rings, he threw her dress and pawned her rings .. assuming it was over then till things changed. Two months later i hacked his accounts and found out he was having an affair with his wife behind my back, as well as pursuing other women on sex site’s, i kicked his arse out and within a week he was back with his wife. All good til wifey started stalking me. 3 months later he no longer wanted wifey, he wanted me, he got his own flat and we talked sh*t out. I just couldnt trust him, we split. We tried again till he made it obvious i was not a priority, we split again. He got back with the wife, i got on with my life, till four weeks later he was begging for yet another chance. He was moving out of the wife’s, and back into his own place. He has stalked me through the internet, to his admit-ion every time he was with her. His marriage problems stem back from day one, time and time again he has moved out and gone back. Well i’m finished with him, he lost out on someone 13yr’s his wife’s junior and 11yr’s his senior. Yeh he’s unhappy in his marriage, why should i make his married life easier when he can suffer. If your here because your in a relationship with a married man, end it for your own sake. Will his marriage work?? NO .. will he leave her?? Yeh when his daughter is 16, thats 9yrs from now.
People life is too short, single is not bad, it isn’t lonely. If you find your husband or wife don’t treat you right, get out !!! ..
Leopards do not change spot’s. Everyone deserves to be happy.
I regret my mistake, and something i will never do again .. DONT CHEAT, DIVORCE !!!! ….
Kim I’m proud of you Girl! Crazy situation but I’m glad you finally opened up your eyes. Move on & find a lovely man who is only yours when you are ready. In the mean time focus on yourself. Rebuild that spirit. Much love.
& as for cheating it is never JUSTIFIED. Never. I don’t care what the other person is doing or not doing. At the end of the day it is a choice. You have the free will to choose wether or not you want to cheat on someone. So take some responsibility. You are an adult not a damn child. Don’t let people control your decisions, choices or actions.
It doesnt matter what the wife looks like married men that cheat are pigs.im married and my husband is constantly looking at girls 35 years younger than him and it really pisses me off and when i try talking to him about it all i get is excuses.im tired of it and that is what is ruining our marriage.Im about to call it quits i deserve better than a pervert.
Men in their teens – LOOK AT YOUNG WOMEN
Middle aged men -LOOK AT YOUNG WOMEN
Old men -LOOK AT YOUNG WOMEN
All this takes place in open view of the other partner. So what’s so different about it? Absolutely Nothing! The same method works for some Women, but what both sexes don’t understand is the other person in the relationship feels very hurt, unattractive and incompatible, when the action is questioned, it gets said, men/women have to look as long as they don’t act on their looking. What happened to love, respect and integrity in relationships/marriages?
Thank you to everyone here that has shared an experience. This article (and ya’lls comments) have really given me a good wake-up call as to what I need to be doing every day for my marriage. This is something I’ve been working on for a while already, but I think we all need reminders here and there to keep the bitterness to a minimum and just be happy!
NorthernDude, you hit the nail on the head with your examples & description of how women (myself included) are too demanding, the blame game, the laughable option of divorce, etc. I wish more people would read this article! You never know when you get married that all this stressful crap is going to happen, and you DEFINITELY aren’t prepared with how to prevent or fix it. Guess that’s why divorce rates are through the roof!
I have always been on the needy / sensitive side, and my husband has always been insensitive and a workaholic. Pretty typical. He has really put up with me very well considering I’ve been working out my depression and all the great side effects that come with it (weight gain, laziness, moodiness, etc) Our marriage is a work in progress -5 years and counting.
Having just moved to a country where I have no friends or family (except him and our 3 year old) has seemed to boost my neediness to a new level… and to make things worse, nobody speaks English here! Haha. For some reason, as soon as he gets home, I have been slipping into this grouchy mood from being upset that he isn’t home more.
I really needed this reminder that he’s never going to want to be home at all if the environment here isn’t comfortable. It seems pathetic but necessary for me – I’ve made this list of things I need to reflect on every day in order to keep my marriage (and myself) thriving & healthy, and wow. It works so well!
1) Watch my diet & exercise, and dress head to toe every day. I got rid of all my “mom” clothes and now try my darnedest to wear only nice/sexy clothes, make-up, jewelry, & perfume daily.. lingerie too!
2) Tidy the house every day, stay on top of laundry & dishes, I never have to hear him ask me “do I have any clean boxers?” again, because they’ll always be in his drawer! Whats worse than a housewife with a dirty house, yikes.
3) Be happy, and even better, be FUN! Like when we were dating and I was full of life and flirty and funny. I remind myself every day that I have a lot to be grateful for. Yes he works a lot, but he is successful, a hard worker, and a great provider. I am definitely thankful that he spends his time working instead of with another woman!
4) Hang in there! There will be ups and downs, and just because I am trying really hard to make him happy, doesn’t mean I can get mad at him for not doing the same thing every day (I can only hope that he will). As far as my part, I need to make peace, and be understanding.
My name is Princess. My case is very complicated. I am married and happy, but I knew my husband was cheating, though I was not really sure. He doesn’t spend on me like he does for those other girls. He always made me believe business was bad, and there was no money. I would pity him and encourage him, trying to show him how understanding I am.
Even when I was pregnant with our first child, I came with the pregnancy to be with him. The most painful part is that he came to the airport with his girlfriend, who happens to be a single mother of two, to pick me up. He was always driving the both of us in his car together. We became so close that deep inside of me, I knew the truth of what’s happening. So one day, I confronted the lady while alone with her in the house. She opened up to me.
To her, the only reason she did was because I am a very beautiful, good-hearted woman. The way I treat her, no one has ever treated her that way. She felt I knew what’s up, but my husband thought I was naive. Even when he would give her money but tells me he’s broke. Even when he would give me money and instruct me to feed her in any restaurant of her choice. At a point, he beat me while I was pregnant because of this same lady, and she told him it’s not fair. Since then, something about everything went out of me.
When I was pregnant, I suffered. Sometimes, he wouldn’t give me food. There’s no food in the house, but he would shop for his lady. I asked him if I’ve offended him in any way, and if he could forgive. I wanted to go back home to my family because I was starving. No clothes to wear, nowhere to go. I had to walk to a mall far from the house in his absence and buy rice for R10 and cook it little by little with just salt and anything I could find just to make it worth eating. Sometimes I even had to put vinegar because it had no taste. I prayed and believed God would help me. I wish I could play lotto and win.
Even when I had my baby, I almost lost my life. The only gift I got from him was beating and a harsh word, saying that other people go to the theater and have their baby without anyone’s knowledge. But I went in to cry and waste money on hospital fees. He said I would suffer but his child will not just because his father was the one who reincarnated my son.
Even when I tried asking him, he denied ever having an affair with her and swore on his life and prosperity. But after I had my son, he became worse with women. He’d tell some he’s not married, some that he’s separated, and others different stories. He would never wear his wedding ring. He would take them for shopping, while I had to beg for clothes because mine were all torn.
Till one blessed day, a friend of his took me to see things for myself. I saw my husband kissing and shopping for a lady. He even had her mimic my hairstyle. Then I saw my husband doing things he’d never do with me. I thought of ending my life. So many things came to my mind, and finally, I talked to him about divorce. But he refused. He insulted me and my family, and told me of his plans to hurt them. He’d even take any money I received from others.
Sometimes, I feel God has abandoned me. There came a time I stood up to him, and he cooled down a bit, but now he’s back at it. He makes love to me without any emotion. This is just the beginning of my story.
I am praying God should help me with a little favor. I wish I had some money to start up a business. I would’ve been able to contribute. I don’t want a divorce because God said “I hate divorce”, but if I’m pushed to the wall, I might consider it. If only I had money to hire a lawyer. But as the case is now, he knows I’m poor. Please, I need helpful advice.
I’d strongly advise you to seek professional help or counseling for your situation. There are many organizations worldwide that offer assistance and resources to those in abusive relationships. Your safety and well-being are important.
Well, I notice that every post on here just starts the same way……in the beginning it great and sex all the time and then…..shortly after being MARRIED……everything changed. I think MARRIAGE is the culprit. Maybe the the real problem is people feel trapped after they tie the knot and if they always just dated commitment to each other would still be free and because of love only. Marriage all of a sudden forces two people to try to be faithful because they r supposed to be if they’re married. It wasn’t hard before you married so why get married at all!
Things are never simple or cut and dry.
I never thought id be the type who steps out from his wife. for 10 yrs ive played the loyal supportive role.
My wife has a mental condition. Not her fault. Sometimes shes the woman i fell in love with. But other times she isnt. I cant be spontanious or suprising because she unexpected event causes a downwards spiral in her mental processes and she shuts down. And it kills me inside. So i learned to suppress that side of myself.
Dont think i havent tried to get help. Weve tried medications. Weve got to 4 different therapists and each time she got embarassed and stormed out, leaving me there, totally awkward. Ive tried speaking to her, but that depresses her and she doesnt get what im trying to say. And ive started to feel i cant talk to her about that….so i just dont anymore.
Ive got no intention of leaving, because when she IS herself things are awsome and im happy…..50% of the time. And this isnt somthing she can control. Sure, she has control over whether she wants help or not. But i digress.
This whole situation has caused a strain on my family as well. Im scared to talk to any of them about my marriage because i know what they think. They dont like her. So ive stopped seeing them. Because despite it all i do love her. Im also the only one that works. Shes too scared to work and cant hold down a job. So in retrospect im the one doing everything.
Ive been so depressed untill i met my other woman. Shes great. Shes the happy place i go to when i need an escape. We both know alot about eachothers lives. And theres no desire to leave to be together. Just good times, good sex, and good friendship. And im happier at home and better able to support my wife. This is essentially the only thing ive done for “me” in so long.
People can think what they will. call me selfish all they want. Judge. Whatever. I dont care. I dont apologize. I absolutely admit my actions. But im not sorry. Because this has helped me in so many ways.
All i can say to those who DO judge, i used to be just like you. You never know what your capable of untill your pushed there. Dont judge untill youve worn the shoes and walked the road.
Married 23 years to the same woman. Had an affair after 20 years. And of the top ten reasons listed on this page, I’d say that my affair falls into 5 of those categories. Here was a woman making her man completely miserable from year 17 on and every time I tried to have a conversation about what I didn’t like about it, it was always my fault. Not her nagging, not her frigid bed room habits or lack there of, not hr propensity to sit around and blame the kids because she didn’t want to clean the house, not her lack of attention as a wife, not her unwillingness to get off the couch to cook dinner for the kids. No it was my fault( in her eyes). Then She went back to school. And essentially what was already a cold bed at night, suddenly turned arctic cold. Even Eskimos were saying “damn that’s cold”. I went back to school and found myself in the fancy of a woman who was experiencing the same with her husband, as I with my wife. Wound up being the best s** I ever had and the affair lasted for a year until my wife found out about it. She fought so hard to keep me saying that she loved me and didn’t understand why I did it and after explains things to her, once again it was all my fault, and the ridiculing commenced and I became the worlds worst person. Even after she fought so hard to bring me back in, we’ve had s** maybe 4 times in 2 years, still my fault. I ask this of you women, who stand in judgment over me, if your husband abandoned you as my wife has me, what would you do. Messed up part is, I’m still with my wife, when the best sex I ever had is 20 minutes away
I was 38 when I divorced my wife and daughter. This cousin brother of mine was 23 and had a kid with his girlfriend now his wife with 2 kids. He seduced me and we started having body relationship with him and tried different ways like oral, back and front. I left him for some years thinking he will concentrate on his wife and family but he keeps coming back to me claiming I am his second partner. He says his wife does not satisfy his sexual desires in the bedroom. Though he loves his wife now 31 while he is 37 he still claims he loves and can not leave me.
We end up fighting at times and breaking up but months or years later he comes back for me and we live together in our relationship. He loves me so much and I love him too. We have promised to live as couples for life.
As I read these posts, it breaks my heart to hear about how unhappy men or women can be in marriage. It always takes two people to have a life together. commitment is so important. Yes, marriage has its ups and downs. but that is real life. we cannot expect an other person to be our happiness. That comes from within. I was married for 34 yrs and I have really tried to look internally to see my faults. Sex was not one of them. I loved being with my man. He is a pilot and I never did anything but support him. He cheated on me multiple times and begged my forgiveness. I did forgive him and trusted him over and over. That was my fault. You can’t change the stripes on a zebra. I believed the best in him. He told me I was his only love and best friend. Then the girl he had his first affair with over 26 yrs ago, she was 15 he was 30, we had lost our 6 yr old daughter to cancer. He cheated while I went on to get my nursing degree. We also have 3 other now grown kids and this has devastated them and they have lost respect for their dad. We lost our home, our family and all assets. I now live in a small trailer and am starting over. He is still a pilot but is not getting any younger. Was all this worth it. I think not. I feel sorry for him because when you just sleep around you lose a part of yourself. It is like putting a band aid on a huge wound . Honor and integrity are of great value. Marriage can be a wonderful and awesome thing and fun but it seems to me that the thrill of lies and living a double life can make us feel like James bond but it not real nor honorable. To hurt and abandon your family is a horrible thing. It is not something I would advocate. Women who run after married men are home wreckers and that same man who left his wife will do the same to her. My ex did. I pray for him and hope he will find happiness not in the women he sleeps with but in himself and knowing doing the right thing is so worth it.
DM, this is the most interesting comment I have read thus far. I suppose because the yesterday I found out that my husband was cheating with another woman on the job and we all work together. The end of this month would have made 2 years of marriage so I got nothing on you as far as the years. Yet still it is so heart breaking because of the time frame that I found out. I am relieved to finally know that I was not crazy and quite sane. Everyone has their own beliefs about marriage and many excuses to the reasons why we as human behave the way we do. It is challenging not just for men but for women as well in marriages. What stands out the most is just how strong of a person you are to not mentally search for a reason to misbehave, but to find that will power that leads to respect for self 1st and foremost in order to present that respect for someone else.
I strongly believe that what anyone will not accept such as a married spouse seeking interest outside the home for any given reason is total disrespect and a cowardly sense of gain “WEAK”. If you are brave enough to commit yourself to a marriage, then you should be willing no matter what to accept the challenges before you. People get married for what ever reasons but you do have some sort of an idea of what your getting yourself into with whom you choose. For better or for worst in marriage vows has been taken way out of content. Most married individuals think that for better or for worst means if I cheat, abuse, or manipulate, embarrass, even disrespect my spouse, that spouse should be willing to forgive and accept my mistake. Well that is not the way it works. If your old enough to know right from wrong, then you should be willing to accept the consequences at hand.
I am totally against what the other person in the situation at the time of infidelity accepting what ever they feel their purpose of gain may be by not thinking highly of themselves and instead stoop to such a low level of no integrity, nor respect. Anyone who runs after anyone that is married period is someone that is desperate, heartless and conscienceless. We all want to feel loved and find our place in the world I suppose, but it don’t give anyone the right to intentionally break up a marriage or home. Whether its the husband/wife doing the wrong, the home wrecker holding on to hope believing that one day he/she will leave because you think what your doing or giving them for the moment is all that they will ever need. Think twice!!!
If a marriage is spiritually connected, honest, and whole heartened love with down right respect. Any challenge ahead would be a breeze. People these days have no morals, respect, nor do they have understanding. They tend to confuse love for lust and a need for want. And wonder later on in life why they cant have peace or happiness. When you don’t have self respect and carry on carelessly like your life is a game then that will be the end results.
Am I mad with my husband? Yes! Very much so. I was true to my vows. I feel very hurt and my emotions are everywhere. I have never cheated or much less had intentions to do so. Why? I strongly believe that vows are sacred and it is said in binding before God. Also their are consequences for everything done in life that is not pleasing to his eyes. What goes around comes back around 10 fold. Even though my husband has destroyed my love and trust, I pray that God guides him into becoming a better man for someone one day that would love and care for him the way he deserves.
Happiness comes from within and it starts with self.
My first husband cheated on me and I got rid of that zero and found me a hero. When I met the zero, I admit I worked, went to the gym ,cooked and all of that. After 5 years of marriage and 2 kids, you’re tired. I didn’t deny him s*x, even when I was tired. I noticed the zero wanting less and less of it and I found out why. The affair was with a nurse in the hospital who said our son didn’t look like my husband (my son looked like me and has now grown to look like the him). I forgave him at first after he begged and pleaded. Then I didn’t want him around me, when he started acting distant again. I told that zero to leave, but I made sure I got alimony and child support in the divorce so we would be taken care of. I have since met a wonderful man who is more handsome, smarter and makes more money than that zero. He does not cheat on me. He is at work and home when he is supposed to be, I have checked up on him(because of my first marriage) and he is where he supposed to be. I think we know when something is not right, and after 2 years of dating and 8 years of marriage it’s good. We talk about things and get it straightened out. He loves me for who I am and I love him. We have twins together and I gained weight. He doesn’t mind (that was an issue in my first marriage. My two older children love him(even though the visit their dad sometimes) I don’t berate their dad in front of them. He is a good father, but not a good husband.
One more thing, don’t sleep with married people, they are disrespecting all involved, including themselves.
it dosent matter at some point both man and women are doing same so whats the point of arguing we man is sincere women cheats when the women was sincere man cheats its not because people dont love each other its because of one sided love i loved my gf but after 9 years she cheated me bcz she started to like some one else i was depressed on that time but i saw her happy with that man i start to understand her feelings i am jealous because i love her but inside somewhere i am also happy for her